Wack-a-doodle-do

Hello friends. I will start where I left off. Church night. It went swell. Grace and I had all our work done three hours before our shift was over, so like most bosses would, she sent me out of some Indian take away for us to have in the back. We were having a lovely time eating dinner when I of course spilled butter chicken in my lap and it ended up going up my skirt. Grace laughed out right at me and then proceeded to call me chicken fanny for the rest of the night while I concentrated on removing the coriander stench from my pantie hose. **note- fanny in the UK doesn't mean the same thing as it does in North America- here it could be a replacement for the word vag. Anyways that was a lovely time and I'm sure that the church group really embraced my new nick name.

Ally is our new room mate and she is wonderful. She is just chillin in Scotland for a month or so and I quite like it because now on my days off I have someone to go around the city with and actually do the dorky tourist things that I've been meaning to do. Today we went to Ikea for 99p breakfast. Wonderful. We are going to do a little more exploring this afternoon and then watch a DVD that I got free in my Sunday paper- it looks like it could be the greatest film of all time based solely on the back synopsis of the film. Its called 'The Heathers' and the final line of the film description is 'are these girls headed for prom or hell'. I'll for sure let you all know how it is. Heather I think you'll be especially intrigued I'm sure.

Anywho, I ACTUALLY did go to Glasgow on Sunday. Turns out there is really nothing there, literally did nothing there, its not the old, the buildings aren't that interesting and it doesn't even have a castle in the middle of the city- I mean come on people, I thought this was Scotland. To be fair I did go on a Sunday, and technically I didn't really research anything to do while I was there, but I did get out of Edinburgh and its was an adventure none the less.

K I'm actually bouncing all around here but I keep thinking of new things that happened, in no particular order (and I just sneezed- one of the good hearty Rachel 6 sneezes in a row- and I just went right back to typing because I'm so excited to share with you all, so lucky whoever gets this computer after me!). Anyways on Saturday we went out to a pub to show Ally around a bit and we were approached by THE weirdest people in the country. So many creepos came up to us that we made note and actually wrote a list out the next morning- I will attempt to re cap now using the names we gave them followed on why they got those names:
1. "whats your name" an extremely intoxicated four eyes who proceeded to ask Britt her name while in a mid turning sequence that left him facing the opposite direction while waiting for her response
2. the place and swoop- I was standing by a wall with a shelf right by my shoulders and so a guy went to place his drink there and turned it into a one motion around the shoulder hug on my that I did not see coming
3. shoulder rub- a guy- i'd say between the age of 17 and 19- who approached us casual and began talking and then felt then need to either pat our heads or rub our arms whenever he felt necessary
4. bad breath friend- shoulder rub's friend with really bad breath
5. twirler- a stranger decided to pick me up and twirl me in the air until I punched him to let me down
6. & 7. Kelowna girls- not actually wierdo's per say- but two girls who I recognized from Kelowna who were in Edinburgh for one night that we just so happened to run into at the pub we were at- weird.
8. Senior Weather- a man -late forties- who approached Britt and said he didn't have good chat with the ladies so they should probably just talk about the weather. He them followed her around most of the evening
9. tooth brush- this fellow staggered up to us asked us how we were and then pulled a toothbrush out of his pocket, used it a couple times, and then asked if we cared to use it. Now if this was not weird enough he then try to encourages us further by saying that it was cool because his friends already used it. Oh wait there is more- when he pointed to said friends we looked over and they were two men dressed in cowboy sheriff costumes.
10. (my personal favorite) Joker- we actually met this weirdo first because I step through the door of the pub and he immediately came up to me and said "you look like a young Heath Ledger" I of course said gee thank you. He said "whats the problem he was a very handsome man in his day" Again I was dazzled by this and left him with a verbal assault that his friends quite enjoyed and capped it off with a comment about how he looked like the joker- which after running into him again he actually did.

Messages to pass on:
*going down to Wales for Easter Long Weekend- should be lovely
*whats the weather like there now?
*there are so many flowers blooming here now its quite lovely.

Week 21

This week was pretty chill. Just worked a whole bunch and went and saw a movie on my day off. Grand Torino - its the one with clint eastwood about an old racist man. Its one of those movies where you kind of want to laugh but not sure if its appropriate but you're pretty sure you're meant to laugh at certain things, but you don't want to be the only person who laughs in the theatre because then you're the racist, so you spend most of the time holding in your laughter- you know what I'm talking about. Anyways it was good.

Spent the last three days working- harder then I would have liked to considering I get paid minimum wage, but that's the way it goes. Tonight I'm closing up shop with Grace and 25 youth group churchies putting on a Jesus rave in Starbucks. Should be pretty interesting.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to head up (or down- I'm literally the worst direction person here) to Glasgow on Sunday. I say probably because I've been saying I'm going for the last month and a half. Idiot.

Messages to pass on:
*New roommate arrives tonight!! One of Emily's friends is traveling and is going to stay with us for a while so that's pretty awesome
*MY MOMMY COMES SOON and heather and Kara- bitchin.

St Paddy is the devil

Well as everyone knows it was st Patrick's day on Tuesday. And its was a pretty big deal here because there are so many Irish people in the city. Mine was pretty good, I worked all day- only one minor blip. A lady said I was lucky I could wear green all day I responded with something clever she responded with my boyfriend died on St Patrick's day three years ago I countered with silence then and I'm not joking "hows the healing processes coming along". WHAT?!!? who are you Dr. Phil Barista. In fact I paniced because my first reaction was to respond wow my sister got engaged three years ago on st Patrick's day, quickly I knew this was no good so obviously the next best thing is to big a personal reflection process with a stranger. I think by this point I was actually sweating because I could not believe the verbal spew I was unleashing upon this women. To be honest I went into a bit of a catatonic state and can't remember some of the jewels I dealt but I do recall a "mourning processes are different for everyone" and "these thing are sometimes blessings" OH HOLY SHIT- Am I Buddha? Oprah? Maury?

Clearly this day could only get better. Britt and I went to the local Irish establishment. We arrived around eight and the line was ridiculously huge. Luckily we have discovered that if you slip into the outside smoking ropes (which is not even roped off) you can just walk right back in like you've just come outside. Apparently the bouncers are morons and this has worked for us several times with no consequence. Anyways it was absolute mayhem. Green and Shamrocks and guys with cat whiskers drawn of there faces in permanent marker everywhere (I later was approached by a girl with no top on asking me if I wanted said whisker on my face and it all came together). I saw full on fist fight end in hugging, grown men crying, heard more people join in singing the lyrics to U2 songs then I ever thought possible without attending a concert, and of course (cause this is Edinburgh) numerous public projectile vomits. One of my favorite things about the night would have to be that the aforementioned pub we were at is called Biddy mulligans. Now since its a pub it doesn't usually have hand stamps or anything but since it was chaos they needed to mark people who were in. So they marked everyone's hand with a jiffy marker in the pubs initials. So there were about 500 people walking the streets with a giant black BM on there hand. Keep it classy Scotland.

I ended up coming home with two shirts, two hats, a scarf, four pins and a laughing leprechaun dolls, all in various shades of green or displaying prominent shamrocks.

Sabo meets Scotland

Ah its been a while since my last post- but so much has gone on. I'm going to break it up into two posts actually.

Well my dear friend Emily arrived last Wednesday to visit me here. I went to pick her up at the airport -and by pick her up I mean that I took a bus there and ensured I had enough bus fare for the both of us to take it back to my place. It was actually so weird in the airport. I was waiting there getting so so excited and all I could think about is how often I've done the exact same thing in Kelowna when she comes to visit me except we are in SCOTLAND. My mind was being blown. When she was in sight we had a good old fashioned spaz-hug-jump-yell -which I think was really capitalized since I was wearing my kids sized-heart-covered rubber boats (with pants tucked in of course).

So I chauffeured (via public transport) my guest back to my place where we chatted about everything that was going on and what I'd been doing the last five months (can you believe its been that long?!?!), and how her exchange in Austria is going (excellent). It was awesome.

I had to work the next day unfortunately but Em took full advantage and went to see the castle and a bit of the city. That night Brit Em and I went to the pub we work at for a little dinner and then called it a night.

Friday I was sick. Of course. Of all times to get a cold. Anyways it sucked. Saturday however was the Ireland Scotland Six nations Rugby game, being played in Edinburgh a mere stones throw away for my flat. We had been waiting for this game for sometime now and had to take full advantage. Em and I head down to a pub in the grass market (same place where my pub is) decked out in our newly purchased Ireland/Scotland scarves. We had our selves a pint and then proceeded to not pay for another the rest of the afternoon thanks to a party of firemen from Glasgow. One particularly inebriated fellow repeatedly told Emily and I quote "I fancy you I do". Long story short I won three drams of whiskey in a bet and Ireland won the game so there was plenty of celebrating to do. And so we did. Everything was fairly under control, except for when I tried to cross the road and ended up falling right in the middle just a a car passed. I was just fine though- I hit the car it didn't hit me. It sounds worse then it was- I blame the cobble stones.

The next day Em and I did some sight seeing and wen ton a dungeon tour of the bridges. This was pretty cool, however the tour guide was a head case and really just took the whole enthusiasm /"clever banter" thing a little too far. Then we had tacos. I mention this because we made them at home and they were so good.

Emily took a bunch of picture which I'm sure will be up on face book at some point so you guys can check those out.

Messages to pass on:
*the eagle has landed- just once though, pretty good.

Anniversary

I realized today that I have been working at Starbucks for a year now- wow wow we wo. I can't believe that
a) I wilfully rejoined this corporation after knowing the glory that can be life without a green apron fastened around your waist
b) that I haven't been fired for being a smart ass

This past week I was in a different store then my own which = sweaty balls- however I decided I could cope. As was found out by my manager in Kelowna when I first started working at Starbucks, I don't really have that initial stage that everyone else has when starting employment or entering a new environment where you take sometime to settle in and become a member of the team before really taking hold and being yourself a.k.a. being sarcastic and unleashing near constant ridicule upon coworkers; and why would that be any different at this store.

The glory of it here though is that although I speak English my accent and blatantly 'American' mannerisms somehow leave me with lee-way to be misunderstood and not receive any punishment. The really beauty comes in with the fact that the managers at this store both enjoy there fair share of sarcasm so things seemed to work out find. One manager inparticular would listen to me bash him or give myself some sort of unwarranted praise and then simply reply with "respect & dignity"

I think we all know however that went out the window during a certain staff night.

One of my favorite moments of last week was when I asked a man if I could get him anything to drink and he just full on ignored me. Again I asked him- louder- "Sir, can I get you something to drink. Again nothing. So the third time I simply looked at him and in the same tone and with the same syllables went "blee bla blee bloo blaby blam blag". 'Grande latte he replied'. My manager had to take a ten minute break after that to gain composure and not pee his pants.

I've also taken to high-fiving customer and using the security cameras to scope out hot babes- which there are a lot of that come into my store (its a business district so there are a lot of well dressed business men- nice on the eyes).

If one more person asks me for a 'white coffee' (which is ridiculous to begin with) and gets pissed when they have to put the milk in themselves I'm going to rapid punch them in the baby maker.

Silent Disco

This week was fairly casual. I had to work at a different Starbucks then my own all week, which I was none too please about, but got over fairly quickly and tried to make the best of. Highlights of my experience there would have to be breaking up an intense make out session between a raging ginger and his girlfriend in the basement sitting area of the store, being asked if I was Australian by a (most likely) senile old man who then proceeded to periodically wave at me from across the store for the rest of his time at Starbucks (approximately three hours). Finally I enjoyed when a disgruntled looking women entered the store, searched for seating, then decided she should order first. I was on till and she proceeded to waddle up and scream DIET COKE in my face. I replied with excuse me and she again yelled diet coke- to which I replied simply we do not serve big gulps here sorry. *side note I've also been asked if we serve fries, gravy, pizza, and if there was alcohol in the Irish cream syrup.

Friday I attended a silent disco at the train station. Incredible. There were a bunch of people walking around looking very self aware with head phones around there necks and then as soon as the clock struck seven everyone just rocked out. I enjoyed a play lists featuring Canned heat by jamiriquoi, and I'm a Scat man, by Scat man to name a few. As one would expect there was a man sitting on a bench in the middle of the mayhem with not a clue of what was going on so I did the most logical thing- dance up on him. He was overjoyed- I could tell because as soon as I left him alone he proceeded to run with all his luggage (which included a pair of skis I might add) to the nearest exit.

Messages to pass on:
*silent disco pics will be up shortly
*great talking to you family- pleasure as always
*should be some excellent blogging material in the next few days with Emily's arrival, a very crucial rugby match and the attendance of an open mic night.

Story Telling.

Its been awhile. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

I had four days off and did nothing. It was fantastic. I was going to go somewhere in Europe, or even in Scotland but instead I went to an art gallery and watched a movie. What a slacker. Next time I have some time off like that though I really do need to utilize it more wisely.

So let me tell you about a friend of mine. Her name is Sarah, I work with her, she is incredible. Now before I continue with story time I have to mention that I have permission to be writing about all this from her. Anyways Sarah, where to start? Super cool person, one of the few actual Scottish people I work with at Starbucks. Apart from being awesome, Sarah has quite a few amazing stories that she likes to share with me at work. There are so many I'll just mention a few. Maybe I'll start with her recent event she told me she was attending called "Fur Burger" for Lesbians to mingle on valentines day. Or maybe I'll tell you about the time she went to London to go to a fetish club and witnessed people peeing on each other in a kids paddling pool. Maybe about how she got her front teeth broken in half by going over the handle bars of her bicycle while riding intoxicated, and then chose to make an art piece out of the teeth afterwards. This story had a moral however because here in Scotland you can get charged with the same DUI as driving a car if caught riding a bike while intoxicated- sure her can pee and poo and puke and drink wherever you like here, but even think about peddling your steaming butt home and you're in the slammer.

Anyways I think I'll share one of my favorite stories that Sarah has told me. It's actually about a friend of hers. This friend was working at a super market and was approached by a little person to assist him in retrieving a loaf of bread from a top shelf. Now you would think that this was a pretty straight forward request simply requiring the person to get the loaf of bread and hand it to the man, however Sarah's friend chose to pick the little person up so that he could retrieve the loaf of bread himself, and then placed him back on the ground. The only reason he found this may not have been the best option was because his manager was watching the whole time and nearly blew a fuse when saw what happened. This could be the greatest story I've ever heard.

There are just so many fantastic things I could go on forever, alas I will save more stories for another day.

So said date I spoke of earlier- went on two with this Irish guy. However I won't be going on anymore. He is a super nice guy- decent conversation, however he is the same height as me- possibly an inch or two shorter, and has the same sized hands as a 9 year old. When I saw that it I knew it really just couldn't ever work- like a carney; may have even smelt of cabbage.

Messages to pass on:
*Emily is coming to visit for a few days next week!!!!!!!
*Freya some of your facebook stuff is really starting to look like you're one of "those" mom's- just letting you know cause I care
*the weather has been quite nice here lately, super lucky.
*when I walked to work today I saw a huge empty bag of popcorn on the ground, five steps later I saw a huge pile of popcorn barf.