Lulu in London

First post from my travels comes from heathrow airport in london where i've been delayed again for two hours. typing this on a keyboard with keys similar to a pay phone, a space bard the size of my finger nail and i've given up on upper case. don't worry though there are specific buttons for :-( and :-). thank goodness...

good news though, i've got some great tunes going and my flight over seas i had a free seat beside me.

unlike a canadian airport, i'm the only one here in lulu lemon pants, and though i'm physically very comfortable, the way the guy across the row on the plane asked m if i wanted a drink only after i struggled to put y carry on inthe over head compartment with my back facing him made me re think the "toit"-ness of the pants. this kiosk i'm at also has no chair so i'm in a strattle squat position that lulu is again making m reconsider.

good news! a jolly scotsman asked me for directions- i obviously had nothing to offer, however i take that as i look approachable and knoweldgable pretty much key to surrvival on the road.

(at the end of each post i'm making a new section where i pass on info or ak you for info so heres the first one)

messages to pass on:
*am i an aunt yet?
*good luck today dad
*sandi download closer- kings of leon
*scottish men seem to have unusually large calves and like wear man capris

Soothing Assault

So got a gift certificate for a facial- not one to have bought that for myself but was super pumped on receiving one. So I go to book this thing and after they try to trick me into getting one that is well over the value of the certificate I have I book me some good old fashioned spa time.

So maybe some background on me and the spa: Every single time I've gone its been because I received a gift certificate. I actually enjoy myself when I'm there, I'm just way to cheap to purchase any of these luxuries for myself. First visit to a spa I got a massage- first half of message I just felt really uncomfortable about being naked and touch by a stranger without them getting me really drunk first. Second half I was asleep, and woke up greasy and alone in a dimly lit room as if I had indeed been ingesting multiple cocktails.

So I arrive for my facial and have to fill out this form- I figure its like some mail in thing they use to get your address and assault you with "specials". To my surprise it is questions about yourself and at the top of each column is "earth" "fire" "wind" and "water". I mean if there was another column that said "heart" then I probably would have really embraced this Captain Planet spa, alas there was no "heart" column. I basically thought, OK here we go I'm going to go for a facial and come out categorized by nature and in a cult where everyone has nice skin (could be worse I suppose).

I get through my nature based awakening and start the facial (again I have to be naked even though its neck up) and is is quite nice and relaxing. Things are going good, except when she touches my neck because I have a phobia of that, but thats a different blog all together. I worry at one point that she is going to go over her time and try and make me pay for it- but then relaxing again. And then it begins- some sort of cruel punishment of my pores with some metal tools. Actually had tears coming down my face. I didn't move a muscle basically because all I could think of was I'm paying for this torture and I'm pretty sure I'm going to come out scared and there is no way this lady even finished high school let alone is train enough to be doing what feels like surgery on my face.

well although I'm sure the rest of the facial was very calming but I was too busy having a running inner monologue of "what the fuck just happened" and "what the hell happens in the 60 minute session".

I got out of there alive with a face that was in shock, smelled like gin, and I would probably now classify as "fire".

I have a big zit on my forehead today- fuck you spa.

Lloyd

This compilation goes out to Freya and Lloyd:

DDR

Watching people dance is probably one of the funniest things you can do. After attending a recent party and witnessing the glory of spontaneous dancing I think I've come up with solid categories that most people's dancing styles fit into:

The Self conscious weight transfer guy: This person probably hasn't been drinking. They are well aware of their surroundings, and that people may be watching them dance. They opt to simply transfer their wight from left to right foot and back again. Surprising how this dance can be used in every genera of dance.

The Head wobbler (see also closed eyed groover): Often one of the more intoxicated persons, the head wobbler often has chosen to simply lean against a supportive object (ie. wall, person), close their eyes, and sway their head back and forth. It is common for the head wobbler to inject spontaneous "woots" and a sporadic fist pumps into their dancing.

The Air guitarist (see also lead singer): fairly self explanatory. surprisingly easily transfers into slower genres of music by becoming "the violinist".

The slut: Two words: all hips. Often a closed eye, and raised eyebrow accompanies lip licking in this bar hoping wonder. extra points goes to those who can integrate hair flipping in any way.

The Jumper: The most dangerous of dancers, this beast will continue jumping no matter who or what is in their way. Most suitable for upbeat dancing, the jumper will most likely focus on the jumping itself and air fist pumping. When the slow songs come on, "the jumper" can quickly transform into "the head wobbler"

Closed eye groover: Unlike "the slut" these closed eyes are boarder with relaxed brows and seemingly docile expressions. Often spotted in a crouched bopping position and octupuss like arm movements the "groover" surprisingly hardly ever runs into things.

The lead singer: Very often seen with "the air guitarist", "the lead singer" has acquired an invisible microphone and is belting every word in it. Some how this person knows the words to almost every song, and if they don't they will "fool" you into thinking they do with low groans, and repeating the words a half second after the song does.

The Elaine: All thumbs and little kicks should come to mind when witnessing this warlock. The Elaine can be combo-ed with a number of other styles including "the jumper"

The Trained Dance (see also the choreographer): This person has been taking dance lesson their whole life. Although the lessons has been jazz and ballet and are not accompanied by the music being played, this dancer believes that their training makes them a much better dancer then any other. given the right sampling of tunes the "trained dancer" may become a hybrid referred to as "the choreographed slut"

The Choreographer: This dancer is waiting for a few key music selections where they can show their skills acquired from watching the same music video over and over again on you tube. The ideal situation for "the choreographer" would be to hear that special BSB/NSYNC song and be surrounded in a circle by their clapping peers. When one of those songs is not playing this dancer can often transform into "the slut" simply because of their longing to be in a music video.

Lyrics

copy pasting song lyrics into your postings based on your mood and to convey your emotions. I like a good tune and to listen to maybe even learn the lyrics but I don't need to rip them off lyrics.com and paste them to let everyone no "everybody hurts sometimes". Give me a break and go back to middle school where you can't stop yelling your emotions to the world.



No offense.

Star Power?

So guilty pleasure of mine- and by guilty I mean I don't feel any sort of guilt when participating- is reading star gossip blogs, and watching MTV. Really just enjoy it okay. Anyways with all the election hype (in both Canada and the US) there has been the re-kindling of campaigns like "vote or die", "rock the vote" etc. that try and get stars to encourage people to get out and vote.

I don't know if it works but the fact is that even politics had become something celebs can put their face on and intermingle with pop culture.

What I find interesting though was the various Canadian bands that were interviewed on MTV encouraging their listeners to vote. Awesome. Do it. Whatever is going to get people to actually participate, I mean its an important part of how we are going to live over the next few years.

What is interesting however is that when asked the question, a certain lead vocalist of a certain band said that he hasn't voted and won't until "there is an issue I'm concerned about" Are you kidding me? I'm just speechless- apparently he is too because he just gave up any say he had in how his country is going to shape up to be. That's great Mr "I'm so arty and emotional I could never partake in anything so main stream as voting". What a douche.

Maybe all these celebrities should just leave well enough alone, I mean half the time they are advocating voting and don't even do it themselves. Or maybe its just my personal sources of news. Ignorant people...ignorant media outlets?

Hey next time you are at a concert in a certain front row centre position look up at the performer and say "Did you vote today?" If they basically stop performing and step away from the mic, good chance they didn't.

VOTE

Everyone get out and vote- as someone who has the right to vote you better not waste it! Plus if you don't go out and vote today you have no right to complain about the party that get elected, and you're a loser.

Thank God for friends

Really where would you be without the constant ridicule and esteem crushing banter of a good friend.

You're feeling down and hey why not just give them a clean swift kick in the ribs- really make sure you bottom out, maybe even comment on the spelling of their blog title after they proclaim that spelling is not their strength, just for example.

Now you read this and think oh but my Friends are the best in the world, we even has a nickle plated heart that breaks in half and I have one half while my bestie has the other so we are always together (don't act like you've never had one)- but really you don't have them around to feel good, they are there to let you know what is what.

See a good friend would be one who may mention "I actually don't think you are a size six- maybe just at the Gap" or "way out of your league don't even try"

So when you get told those blunt bangs you had last winter made you like a spokes model for Additionelle, take a good deep breath and have pride that you know you've found a keeper

Post is over because the silver mulleted Canada Post vixen came for her bi-hourly smoke with her partners in the office beside me and I have to call in her double parked ass.

Inaugural Post

Needed to start up a place where people can track me on my travels throughout the year. However I’m not gone yet so maybe updates on how excited I’m to leave.

Title of the blog really has nothing to do with anything- thought it was catchy.

This post is going to be free of error because I’m such a great speller- or I’m typing it in word first and the a little copy paste action so technology rid me of any errors ( please don’t leave comments below about all the errors that are still in here; if you do, you’ve just become reason number one why I’m leaving Kelowna). For instance it took me several tries to even get word to suggest the proper spelling for the word inaugural (and just used it again to fix my second misspelling of it).

Don’t act like you don’t do it.

Don’t be surprised when I hit the road and it goes to shambles. I’ll barely spell my name right. If you’re lucky I’ll type in my new accent I’ll acquire on the road.

By the way I’m at work and looking out the window so if you drive a silver Mazda 3 hatchback- I just saw you pick your nose.