"Soft Hands- hes a gay"

Well I can definitely rule out author since my attempt at humour in my last blog resulted in a Rachel outreach program. Just kidding guys thanks for all the encouragement. Much appreciated.

Sandi last time I checked you didn't have moral dilemmas like choosing between amazing literature and school- whats happened? Has year three of school kicked you in the pants and you've now become the girl who does say no to an on campus beer garden when she is supposed to be in class??? Say it isn't so! I miss you too buddy- but in all seriousness you need to read that book (in the entire final chapter she refers to her father at bitch tits).

Alicia you NEED TO COME that would be so great. You'll have to tell me about your plans and I'll let you know what I'm going to be up to over here!! And you are of course first choice of editor on my impressive novel.

Okay back to me life here. Britt and I had a staff Christmas party on Wednesday night for all the staff at the pub where Britt works and my name is on the schedule but I don't actually work ever. It was quite hilarious- Britt actually generated an alter-ego for me. See when Britt has had a couple cocktails she transforms into Mary. Its a well known fact around Kelowna and I believe that name was actually coined by her uncle. Anyways, its been determined that my alter ego is Deloris. Don't worry though Mary and Deloris are rarely seen and only invited out on special occasions. However Britt thinks she might change my name to Grace because she thinks I have absolutely no gaydar and the fact that I think Dan Levi is my dream boy and she is convinced he likes his ladies with moustaches. Every guy that I tell her I think is good looking she says is for sure gay- which is ridiculous. Just because someone takes a little time to do their hair, doesn't wear Canterbury track pants, and doesn't smell like severe BO like about half the male population here does not mean they watch rugby for the short shorts.

Messages to pass on:
*I'm very excited to see everyone in April- I'm already compilng lists of things you can bring me
*whoes in the super bowl tomorrow?
*more important whose the half time show?

"I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."

So I've gone a little crazy with reading lately and consume a lot of time reading either terribly chick-lit over toned books or memoirs. Sandi had suggested I read "are you there vodka, its me Chelsea" so I picked up a copy the other day. It is unreal I'm laughing so hard at everything on the page. Its basically jsut a stand up comedien who has written a memoir on bits of her life.

However there is a dangerous thing that happens to me when I particularly enjoy something- I think I can do it as well. I think I've had a discussion with someone before about this but if I stop and think about I actually have an overabundance of confidence in my skills- some sorta of reverse self-esteem issue. The result in past is that I enter into things with the false confidence of someone who acutually has amazing skills in the area of focus and with accomplish the task with ease and distinction. things like applying to law school, and basically any sporting activity I participate in -case in point: tricking people into letting me play university basketball for two years (both ending how they probably should have started).

Well this over confidence paired with the love of the hilarious memoir has equated in me absolutely positive I can write a memoir like this. The only thing holding me back is that I don't have a computer and actually having to write out the garbage I spewed from my head would result in numerous hand cramps, the most horrific spelling and grammar, and the potential for it to me found by someone, read, and having me tested for metal instability.

One saving grace is that I come up with these plans that will be easy to complete with my abundance of "skills" but most of the time I snap back into reality before they can bring me any true embarrassment(except when it comes to sport- I always go through with those things with the same result- FAIL)- like I just read the last paragraph and I realised I've decided to publish a book- give you're head a shake. It would end up being about super embarrassing personal experiences that would just be super awkward for anyone to actually read (except I would find it unbelievably hilarious).

I'll stick to blogging

Messages to pass on:
*I'm so pumped for all the visits I'll be getting in the spring
*currently have wicked heart burn
*the librarian I see most often scowls uncontrollably, and has an odd affinity for mock turtle necks and white tights- I've nick named her Foxy MacDougal.

Delayed reaction

So its been about a week since I last posted- sorry I was a bit deprived of the Internet and sufficient blogging time.

Last Friday was my staff night out. It was essentially the Christmas party just after Christmas. What a doozey. We went to a restaurant for dinner and cocktails. This was basically wine plus salad- Sandi I think you're familiar with the combination. We basically had £400 to spend over the evening and we did. Went moved onto a night club where I was stalked by a 6'9" Scottish Ginger- did my coworkers help me? No they laughed and encouraged. By the end of the night my boss took all the money out of his pockets and dropped it into my hands saying he had to get out before it got messy and I was now in charge. Swift move.

I woke up the next day to Britt telling me that I smelled of alcohol- really embarrassing. So we went out for breakfast and made a couple purchases- including a PS2 and guitar Hero- all for $60 unreal!!!! We spent the rest of the afternoon rocking out on guitar hero and then took the train up to see Andrew at St. Andrews.

Attended a little dinner party consisting of roast lamb- super class I know. But pretty much everything there is super class- so I fit in nicely...

The next day we checked out the sights- including the birth place of golf- and a creepy cemetery.

My last few days have pretty much just been spent working- and now you're all caught up!

Messages to pass on:
*Carter has the coolest Godmother ever!
*Heather focus on health
*mom going to make some good plans for us!
*still haven't got my coat- but I'm sure its on its way.

2 for 1 Wednesday

So yesterday was Grayfriar Bobby day here in Scotland. Its about a Friar -Gray who died and his dog- bobby- stayed by his grave for 14 years after his death. Yes the holiday is for a dog; and there are statues (big ones) of said dog all over the city. Now that is a holiday. This Sunday is Robbie Burns day sop that should also be interesting.

Last night Britt was working super late and I was off at 4:00 so I did something that I said I would never do- I went to a movie by myself. Hey if your feeling a bit down and lonely you know how to pick yourself up? Well its not going to a movie by yourself that's for sure. And yet after I watched 'role models' and semi enjoyed it I went ahead and snuck into 'bride wars' right after. I know I'm pretty incredible.

So I thought I'd take a couple of pictures and let you guys see some of the thing I see on my way to work and into the city. Now these signs and things are normal things to people from here, but I think they are hilarious/strange in some way.

Dog foul- sucky.

Car jumping motorcycles ok?

I was considering going for a sauna and then was informed 'sauna' means whore house here. Glad I didn't find that one out the hard way.

No comment.

Messages to pass on:

*mom you want to send the wii over?

*no date tonight as previously stated

*still snowing there?

Wish you were here

This past weekend Britt and I went to a rugby game at the field that is right by our house. Good times. Its general admission so the first half we just sat down near the field and got some good pics. After getting a beverage at half time- somehow we ended up receiving tequila and seven up instead of the spiced rum and seven up we ordered- we settled into some seats higher up. We were beside two old men sipping out of mini bottles of Johnny Walker Black label- three bottles a piece to be exact. We headed out it Biddy Mulligan's after that- its a pub near where we work, good times usually to be had there. I walked home from there where I actually had to pee more then I ever have before in my life- I siccsor ran for about 6 blocks.

I'm quite excited for the week ahead. Thursday I have an evening planned- it may or may not be a date. Friday is the staff holiday party which is shaping up to be a doozey. Saturday Britt and I are heading up to St. Andrew's for the weekend. Pretty pumped about all of it.

Messages to pass on:
*I was going to put some pictures up of things I pass everyday on the way to work that I find amusing but they wouldn't upload so look forward to those soon
*should have some good pics after this weekend

Star 'sometimes I die a bit inside when I go to work' bucks

So today I went into work for four hours- four hours of sampling. This means that for four hours I made drinks put them into miniature cups and then stood outside and handed them out for free. Let me put this into perspective. I had to stand outside, which in the case of my Starbucks is on a corner, with a men's XL cherry red fleece with a Starbucks symbol on the sleeve, chanting 'sugar free vanilla latte for you?' to the passers by. To be honest I could really give a shit- everyone else I work with was crapping their pants laughing because they and I quote "would rather stick pins in their eyes" then do that. I mean I didn't have to do anything else today and interesting things happen when you are out on the street.

Interesting thing number one would be a homeless-esque man who took a toffee nut latte that I made and stood in front of me exclaiming that that drink was divine. He then proceeded to tell me my eyes were divine, and my hair colour, and my smile were all divine. Thankfully I gave away my last drink at that time. When I went inside he followed me in and went to a different spot. I told my coworkers about this man and they said "oh ya that's the guy who performs mini exorcisms- hes not allowed in here anymore because he told Grace (Asian) that he loves 'oriental' women and his wife is a mail order bride." thanks for the heads up everyone.

Next would be an elderly lady who came up to me when a rush of people were getting free samples. She waited for everyone to disperse (about two minutes) and then said to me "no thank you I just had a coffee down the street" Are you kidding me, just because I make a blanket invitation to about half of Edinburgh for a free drink does not mean you need to personally RSVP a declination- move along fossil you're slowing down business.

Freya was asking about any characters that fit the description of those back home- aka Cluny and Sandi. Well everyone knows there is no finding anyone who match the splendor that is that oddly tanned duo- however there are some similar if not mildly entertaining people. While the cynicism and general Scrooge-like demeanor of Cluny cannot be matched there is one person I work with who is completely aggravated by the elderly, children, and women with strollers. Just can not stand them- however the ladies with the strollers- aka prams- are total bitches who rarely buy anything except for one tea between the six of them and then somehow leave the place with raisins all of the floor, carrots in the cushions of seats and usually some sort of bodily fluid on the tables.

Which brings me to my next point. Baby-chinos. No these are not pants you can buy your kid from the gap, they are an espresso cup filled with foam that people give to their small children. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. People actually order at the end of there list '...and two baby chinos please'. I'm so close to a melt down its not even funny. Get your kid a yogurt or an apple juice you pretentious ass hats.

Messages to pass on:
*I acutally quite like th starbucks I'm at and all the people I work with
*I'm considering buying a leather jacket- comments?
*Britt and I laughed for about an hour the other day because I turned to her and said how its nice the holidays are over becuase all teh tourists are gone- who I'm I trying to kid?!

Post Holiday catch up

So after all the holidays and festivities, Britt and I got paid. Thank goodness. So what did we do- go to Ikea of course. Have you ever tried to take a bus home after a shopping trip to Ikea? Its a great time. And I don't just mean all the little stuff- we had a table and a full length mirror. Absolutely hilarious. And we had to transfer buses at one point. It was all well worth it though because our flat actually feels like a home now- and it smells nice thanks to the tea light candles 100 for 1£ or whatever it was.

I'm glad that the holidays are coming to a slow down because the buses were stupid and when public transit is your life its kind of a big deal. Also work hours will get a bit more routine, and I'll get to blog more often which means I won't forget things in between the time they happen and when I get a chance to post. Like when we asked for a policeman to take a picture with us at Hogomany and he said no and then we took one anyways and he stopped us and said that when he said no he meant no wait till he can get a good pose-

Messages to pass on:

*Happy new years everyone- 2009!!

*I'm kind of a big deal- partner of the fortnight (employee of the past two weeks at Starbucks). My manager wrote: "Rachel has settled into the team at Palmerston extremely well. She has a fantastic sense of humour, especially with some of the regular customers- for example Laurel and Hardy. She works hard, and always looks for things to do!"

-translation (in what I think my manager meant): Rachel is oddly comfortable in new situations. She make a lot of inappropriate jokes that leave me uncomfortable and yet I find myself laughing so I can't punish her for them. She refers to two customers as Fred and Barney (only finding out their real names while reading this memo), which suits me fine because she stopped referring to them as "life partners". She better know what she is doing because she has worked at Starbucks for 10 months.

Hogomany

So its been awhile since the last post but is hard to get onto the Internet when you rely on public sources and its the holidays. A pub you can find open on any day of the year- but an Internet cafe don't be ridiculous.

Well Edinburgh is actually know for having the best new years celebration in the world. It has the largest number of people to gather in one spot for the celebrations then anywhere else. And since its Scotland it can't be called new years- its Hogomany. Don't ask me what it means or why- I just showed up. So the biggest party is they shut down all the streets around the castle and you buy a ticket and there are concerts and firework and the whole bit on the streets. Britt and I didn't have tickets so we did what anyone would do- Go with one of my Starbucks co worker through the back entrance of a Starbucks that was on the party street and right out the front door without paying. Classic.

This place was unbelievable. over 60 000 people partying in the street with huge DJ stages everywhere. Did I mention that public drinking is legal in Scotland? Oh I probably should have. Which leads me to my next point. I found out where all the sidewalk barf comes from. One of the greatest incidents of public vomiting I witnessed would have to be these three guys- doing their country proud.

Anyways we stayed there for unreal fireworks!!!

we had an OK time...

We went to a bar called dropkick Murphy's after that and then to work at noon the next day. Safe to say we were still intoxicated at work until about 2pm, when I became the walking dead. Britt actually told me I look like death when I saw here in the kitchen. I actually told a table that I was a shit waitress- that went well they felt bad for me and tipped me (new tactic I think).

The next day we were invited to dollar for a family dinner at Andy's house. It was incredible. Home cooked meals and tonnes of people to talk to. Andy showed us some bird he killed that were hanging in his garage- run of the mill stuff.